NPT Instant Fundraising

Thursday, Dec 14, 2006

Chase The Relationship, Not The Money

On a delayed, seven-hour flight from Boston to Los Angeles, relationship guru and author Marshall Howard struck up a conversation with the person seated next to him, Michael K. Deaver, former deputy White House chief of staff to former President Ronald Reagan. He said that the conversation flowed effortlessly, but one remark left Howard stunned.

"He said the shiest person he'd ever met was Ronald Reagan," recounted Howard. "How can he be the great communicator, be president of the United States, and be shy?" Howard had just one question for Deaver: "How did he overcome his shyness?" Deaver's answer: "Ronald genuinely liked people. He had a genuine interest in people."

So, what's the moral of the story? According to Howard, who spoke at the recent annual conference of the New Jersey chapter of the Association of Fundraising Professionals, nearly 74 percent of all Americans suffer from some degree of shyness. "Is there anyone here who doesn't like people?," Howard asked the audience. "Overcoming shyness means simply showing an interest in people."

In his book, "Let's Have Lunch Together: How to Reach Out and Build More Powerful Relationships," Howard wrote, "I've watched hundreds of nonprofits endlessly search to uncover their silver bullet of fundraising. 'If I could just get more effective donor software, build a better direct mail program, beef up grants, or add some exciting new events, things would be great.' But the struggles continue and things don't change very much."

Howard provided another statistic: 8 of 10 development professionals and executives lack strong enough relationships with the right people. "That makes work more stressful, because we're so darned transactional," said Howard. And another statistic: with stronger relationships, you could increase funding by 25 to 50 percent. Said Howard, "You'll eliminate your stress and have much better outcomes year after year if you build more powerful relationships."

In what he called "the only business where you lose 33 to 37 percent of your clients every year," Howard maintained nonprofits need to stop chasing the money, and start chasing the relationship. "The power of you builds great relationships, and it is a process that is measurable and repeatable."

Howard noted some issues surrounding relationships and connecting:

Issue 1: A relationship is not a friendship. Relationships, said Howard, are positive and emotional connections between two people who build trust. Trust leads to predictability in others, which, according to Howard, is a characteristic in others that we all desire.
Issue 2: Relationship building is both art and science. It is an art because no two relationships will connect in the same way. It is a science because it is a process that is repeatable and measurable. "You can measure the chemistry between two people," said Howard.
Issue 3: The ability to connect and build a relationship is controlled by you. The ability to connect, persuade and get a 'yes' are all based on emotions, feelings and beliefs, in large part revolving around you.

There are several caveats:

You try, but it's not perfect. You cannot connect 100 percent of the time.
You're not building the relationship to get something. If it's ingenuous, people can feel it.

To begin the process of building stronger relationships with donors, board members, leaders in your community, Howard reiterated that nonprofit managers need to think the opposite - chase the relationship, not the money. Further, Howard suggested the following:

Take responsibility for relationship building in your work.
Show others that you value them -- getting a Thank You letter once a year doesn't cut it.
You must work to overcome your roadblocks to building relationships and connecting, including fear of rejection and shyness. Be more vulnerable and tell the truth, advised Howard, who gave the example of a development officer who admitted to her nerves upon entering the office of a prospective major donor. "She reached out, but she reached out as a person. The ask becomes superfluous - you almost don't even have to ask," said Howard.
Employ your strengths. A relationship, said Howard, is one of the most powerful human motivators. Between a development officer and a prospective donor, "you are 80 percent of that relationship," said Howard, who said the information you provide can be as little as 10 percent.
Said the self-proclaimed king of the first-class upgrade, "Building stronger relationships and connecting faster is not magic, luck or accidental. I'd venture to say that of the great connections you've made, 50 percent of the time you spent together was getting personal."